Day 97: Mount Your Friends


With a name like that, it’s hard to be surprised, really.

Long ago, I took it upon myself to review random games from the XBox Indie Marketplace. It was probably the closest video games have ever gotten to having a Dollar Store, mostly consisting of hastily-made titles with zombies in them or blatant rip-offs that were falsely advertised. The complete lack of any curation killed the idea out of the box, which is why the Indie Marketplace is but a mere memory now. For the most part, I don’t miss it. I mean, if I want to see the worst and laziest that the medium has to offer, I can always visit Stream Greenlight. That said, there were a few good games among the rubble.

Mount Your Friends was not one of them.

Fair shakes, it’s not intended to be. It’s a total joke game. While I’m generally pretty tired of “one note gag” operating as its own genre these days, I was… exposed, for lack of a better term, to Mount Your Friends during a more innocent time. If it was released a month ago, I have no doubt that it would have been “Dong Swinging Simulator 2017” or something to that effect, but instead it retains a level of, dare I say, purity, free to exist as it own weird stupid thing.

At its core, the game is just a more vulgar QWOP under the thin veneer of platonic athletic competition -a five dollar dick joke. But as far as dick jokes go, it’s a pretty good one. I certainly won’t pretend to be above it, giggling like a preschooler upon showing the game to my loved ones. The fact that they didn’t immediately disown me either indicates a tolerance in the people I choose to surround myself with or, at the very least, an understanding of what being a part of my life entails. Sometimes I’m going to show you funny men in underwear. It’s a thing.


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