Not trying to brag or anything, but I used to be quite the lady’s man back in the day. When I was around 10 years old, specifically. Yeah, I had a pretty long-term thing going for a while. Her name was Blaze.
She was an older woman, bit on the wild side; liked to go out and tussle in those angry streets once in a while. I didn’t mind. She could take care of herself, even in those impractical boots. She had the stats for it; built all around like you wouldn’t believe, man. Power, speed, jump, reach – even across the board, perfect for German suplexing dudes into barrels, which is an extremely specific scenario that seemed to happen with alarming frequency.
For some reason, every time we’d go out, droves of creeps would try to mess with my girl. Didn’t matter. She kick all of them in the face or throw them into one another. Sometimes she’d even throw a fireball, but they’d just keep coming, and she’d walk right through them. It’s like she was looking for something, some sort of ending that eluded her for so long.
Then things started to get weird. She started picking fights with clowns and kangeroos, dominatrixes and robots. One time she even found herself fighting four dudes that looked exactly the same, all answering to the name “Tiger”. I’m not gonna lie, it put a strain on our relationship for a bit. She said things were even weirder back home in Japan, but it was hard enough with the five lives we had here in the States. Sure, sometimes we’d regroup, talk about our feelings, use a continue or two, but it didn’t seem to matter. It was like we were going in circles, encountering the same problems over and over again without making any progress.
But we made it work, eventually. Together we suplexed the whole damn city until finally discovering what she had been looking for – Mr. X. After stomping him into the dirt, I have to admit, the magic wasn’t really there anymore. We tried to do the same things we once enjoyed together, but I needed something new. I tried to wait for awhile, see if anything would change, but alias, that day never came. That’s when we agreed to start seeing other people.
It’s bittersweet, but we’ve remained friends over the years. Sometimes we even get together and relive the old days – I make fun of Axel’s haircut, she spin-kicks a dude carrying a pipe, we all share a laugh, it’s a good time. It’s just a shame we don’t hang out as much as we used to. Maybe if she ever got that itch again, to fight for a new cause… maybe in a higher definition or something.
That’s probably the old romantic in me talking, though. It probably wouldn’t be the same. It never is. Some things are just fine where they are.