Monday: My roommate Jed is possessed by a demon. I tied him up and put him in the bathtub. Thankfully, I have this ancient tome telling me how to handle this exact situation. It appear his soul is escaping his body, so I’m to use a Voodoo Doll and a Lightning Rune. I have a Barbie and a car battery. Close enough.
Tuesday: Jed is possessed again. Now he’s grown horns. I need to use the Sceptre of the King. I have a toilet brush.
Wednesday: Surprisingly, another possession. This time, his head is rotating. In leiu of any Mist of Charisma, I use what’s left of my ax body spray. I then choose this time to tell Jed that rent is due in two days. He doesn’t respond.
Thursday: A nice quiet day. Just kidding, Jed is possessed. I need a Phoenix Down? Does it mean this dead bird? No. This medicine? Nope. Let’s try three ice cubes, a bar of soap, and a bicycle.
Friday: We buried Jed in the backyard. Here’s hoping that he was hiding some rent money in his sock drawer.
Saturday: I start bleeding from the eyes. I’m sure it’s fine.