The very first thing I noticed about NBA 2K17 was its absurdly large file size – over 50 GB.
“That’s a lot of basketball”, I said out loud to myself. “Dare I say, that’s an unhealthy amount.”
It’s certainly a higher dosage than I require, really just in it to play a few pick-up games and see how many team names I actually remember. Name dropping the Charlotte Hornets was my go-to for a while, whenever I needed to gracefully blend into a conversation that I had no business being a part of. During some period in the mid-2000s, they stopped being a team and I was forced to give up my ruse. According to NBA 2K17, they exist again, meaning that I no longer have to rip off my shirt and demand that someone throw down with me at a game of HORSE in order to prove my b-ball cred.
On a related note, don’t play HORSE with me. It’s not a pretty sight. And I don’t just mean because of the whole “no shirt” thing.
As I’ve well established in the past, my knowledge of any non-combat sports is fairly limited, meaning that I can usually get my fix checking in once every few years, putting the CPU on easy, and serving out a fresh dish of irresponsibly hot dunks. What I played certainly seems good, but I don’t know if it would actually stand up to any expert scrutiny, perhaps seeming to be of quality the same way the WWE 2K series seems to the guy that only checks in every year to watch Wrestlemania.
As a man of simple needs, I got what I came for, which was not authentic tactical hoops action. Honestly, the highlights of my time with 2K17 were typically the moments that I wasn’t actually playing basketball at all; instead watching wide-eyed boredom wash over the face of virtual Shaquille O’Neal or peeking into the career mode to see if there would be any follow up to Spike Lee’s ghost story (seriously) from last year. I don’t have to tell you that the inclusion of a virtual Shaq would exponentially improve my opinion of any video game, and 2K17 is certainly no different. I’d like to think that his mere presence accounted for most of the install size, with a paltry 10 GB or so set aside for anyone that actually wanted to play the game.
We’ve made it this far. May as well just let me enjoy my delusions.